An Open Letter To Journalistic Media
Dear Journalistic Media (or Media, as will be here after referred),
We have a problem. An issue that needs to be worked out between the two of us. I understand you’re busy what with covering all the crazy stuff happening in this world of ours, but frankly, I can’t put this off any longer.
You see, you haven’t been doing your job. Yes, you have been covering events and issues. But you have done a piss poor job of that. You have been neglecting your function reporting FACTS and focused solely on reporting. When interviewing politicians, or any other prominent figures, you have simply taken to transcribing what they say, and make no effort to discern if what they are saying is actually true.
Let us start, my dearest Media, with a recent example. Rudy Guliani this week, made claims that “we had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama,” referring, of course, to terrorist attacks. This is of course absurd, since 9/11, the biggest terror attack to befall this country, in fact happened during Bush’s first term. Guliani later claimed he meant to say “after 9/11″ when referring to Bush, but even that is wrong. Off the top of my head I can think of two terror attacks that happened post 9/11 on Bush’s watch: the anthrax scare and and the shoe bomber. Doing some research I was also reminded of the attempted LAX terror attack in 2002, as well as the DC sniper and UNC SUV attack.
But that isn’t the real problem. Perhaps all those incidents really had slipped Guliani’s mind. The problem is that you, Media, did nothing to to suggest that Rudy was wrong. You pasted his comments in your articles, never questioning the validity of what he was saying. By doing nothing, you allowed the public to infer there was nothing wrong with Guliani’s statement. It allowed the public to think that we are in more danger now than we were before. This, based off of false information. The actual data seems to suggest we are in no more danger than we have been over the past eight years. But many in the public now believe other wise.
That is but a minor grievance, however, when compared to your handling of health care reform. Multiple times since the summer, Sarah Palin warned the health care reform would bring about “death panels” that would essentially rationalize who woud recieve medical help (she did this via her Facebook page, no less). This was, of course, bogus. But you, ever vigilant Media, were laregly absent in saying so. You allowed the public to be frightened by a non-existant threat. Then there the claim made by Rush Limbagh and numrous other conservatives who claimed the health care bill would cost trillions and further us into debt. This would seem like a legitmait concern, until the CBO (Congressional Budget Office) found that the plan would actually reduce our deficit by about $130 billion dollars over the next decade. That is the exact opposite of what conservatives were saying. But again, you were largely absent in correcting them, and thusly, many in the public believe the health care will further our debt, when the truth is it would help.
I hope you are beginning to see, Media, why I have an issue with you. Your job is to inform the public so that they know what is going on in the world. So that they can make the best possible decisions they can. If it takes me five minutes on Google to get this information, it should be no problem for you to include it in your reporting. But you don’t. You have gotten lazy. The public should not have to seek out the information on their own (though it is always sound practice to do so). That is your job. You are supposed to point out when lies are being promoted as truths. When Glenn Beck says that 2 million people attaneded the 9/12 rally, you should have been there to point out it was really 60,000 – 70,000 people who attended the rally.
Media, you have been enabling lies. And as a result, many people in this country have a warped view of what is going on. How can people be expected to make good choices when they have been given misinformation? You are supposed to prevent this, Media. Now, I know you are weary of having a “liberal bias.” I understand many have called you this and you would like to show them this is not the case. But in trying to prove you are not liberally biased, you are in danger of having a conservative bias. If I may make a suggestion, my estranged friend, you need to worry less about this. If you report the FACTS, no amount of anyone calling you biased for one side or the other will matter. Facts are not biased. Focus on that.
It is a new year now. This is the perfect time to go back and practice actual journalism. To go back to truly informing the public. That is your duty. Unfortuntely, there is nothing to make you do this. Most people do not have the time to double check what you report, so many will go on believing you regardless. But those of us who do pay attention, Media, have had enough. I do hope (however foolishly) that you do take that into consideration. I will be waiting, old friend, to forgive you once you see the folly of your ways. Until that day, however, I’m afraid I must bid you farwell.
With Sincerest Regard,
HBM
10 Films From 2009
Originally, I was going to make up a list of my ten favorite movies from this past year. I soon scratched that idea. 1) There are a number of movies I haven’t seen that would most likely be serious contenders for this list (my every attempt to see A Serious Man has been foiled by some unseen force. Most likely global warming.) 2) I didn’t want to get into fights with friends who will read this and later come up to me and say “What, you didn’t put Avatar in your top 10? That movies was just SO AWESOME MAN!”
This tanning bed is AWESOME
So instead what I have decided to do is just put together a list of movies from the past year that I took notice of not because of how good they were, but from the impact (or lack there of) they had on the cultural landscape. Some of them were great. Some of them were God awful. All of them were movies.
10. Avatar
Might as well get this one out of the way. By the time December came around, everyone knew about mother-fucking Avatar. My 90 year old grandma new about it. If you didn’t, you were probably in a coma. The hype surrounding this movie was massive, as was it’s budget. Cameron touted his new 3D technology and promised it would revolutionize filmmaking. But would the movie be any good? Well, that depends. The visuals were pretty damn fantastic, and the 3D Cameron wouldn’t shut up about were indeed impressive as fuck. But the actual story was predictable and familiar. It was basically Ferngully. With explosions. Now, far be it from me to poo-poo on that solid premise, but now there is talk of it getting an Oscar nod for Best Picture. Really? Best Picture for a movie that turned its central plot device (“unobatonium”) into a goddamn pun? Boo.
9. Jennifer’s Body
Remember that witty, only slightly irritating dialog that made Juno such a hit back in 2007, and earned Diablo Cody a Best Screenplay award? Now imagine a movie with twice as much flashy dialogue, no sincerity or character development to keep the sarcastic lines grounded, and replace the acting chops of Ellen Page with the non-acting black void that is Megan Fox. Sound like a winner? If you answered “no,” then congratulations! You are at least passingly intelligent. You’re also not alone. The film only made $16 million, just barely breaking even. I guess America has had it’s fill of Codisms.
OMG I'M TOTES A DEMON
8. Funny People
Funny People was important because it showed that movie goers want their funny movies to be funny, not sentimental. It’s lackluster performance was a bit of a disappointment to me, because I thought it was a great film. Not since Punch-Drunk Love has Adam Sandler so successfully translated his man-child humor into a performance that actually shows talent. It was a well executed, very personal story, with all the ups and downs that come with it. Also, dick jokes. But it seems there is less and less room in the multiplexs for such movies, when people can see giant robots blow up.
7. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Oh look, giant robots blowing up. And it’s the highest grossing film of the year. Remember last year when that distinction went to The Dark Knight? A movie that redefined how deep an impact a comic book movie could make, that astounded both critics and the general public alike? Fuck that. Apparently, what people really want is awful dialog, what appeared to be the vomit of an actual story, and a tiny robot humping Megan Fox’s leg for no real reason. Throw in some good ole fashioned racial stereotyping and incoherent and surprisingly boring action sequences, and viola, you get a big pile of shit that we all actually paid for.
6. Land of the Lost
Movies like Transformers have proved that throwing lots and lots and lots of money around to remake retro property can have a huge payoff. This was not the case for Land of the Lost. Reportedly costing $100 million to make, the movie made back just shy of half of it’s budget. That’s a lot of money it didn’t make. The problem may be that, while many of the coveted 18-30 demographic grew up with say Transformers and G.I. Joe, they had missed the spectacle that was Land of the Lost. The point of franchises is that they are familiar to the audience, hence the draw. But the kiddies had no clue what the hell Land of the Lost was, and those who did were likely not impressed with Will Ferrel screaming at a CGI T-rex that should in no way look as fake it did with such a huge budget.
Also, you can't fight a T-rex with a stick
5. Paranormal Activity
On the opposite end of the money spectrum, Paranormal Activity proved that “budget” is a relative term. The movie only cost a mere $15,000 to make. It then made $107 million. That means it made 7,133,333 times what it cost to make. So while Transformers may be the highest grossing film of the year, it kind of had to to recoup costs. But thanks to a unique distribution that helped insure the movie was initially only shown were there was interest, and thanks to the fact that it was one of only a handful of movies that wasn’t a remake or a sequel (and was good to boot), Paranormal Activity took the cake as the most profitable movie of all time. Fuck you, Michale Bay.
4. Watchmen
The un-filmable graphic novel made it to the cineplex this year, and did it spark some debate. Expectations for a the adaptation were probably unfairly high, and everyone seemed to have at least a few grievances with the movie (For me, the big one was the soundtrack. Subtelty be damned, apparently). But for all it’s flaws, the fact that we even got an adaptation is something quite miraculous (especially for those familiar with the lgal battle that played out right before it’s release). And while everyone complained for the week after, we pretty much forgot about it after that. So it probably wasn’t that bad.
Then again...
3. Star Trek
This movie makes it on the list solely because it made me like Star Trek, and I know I’m not the only one. J.J. Abrams reboot/re imagination of the franchise made Star Trek kick ass and explosive, two words which I can never recall being used to describe it before. It was the first big blockbuster of the summer (sorry Wolverine, but you’re shitty ass movie doesn’t count) and, for better or worse, clearly spelled out that this summer would be dominated by franchise movies with lots of things going boom. The only downside is that years from now, kids will watch this movie and come under the mistaken assumption that all Star Trek is cool. Those poor, ignorant fools.
2. Up
For the past number of years, Pixar has proven itself to be one of the most consistent studios in the business, cranking out animated films that have been adored both by critics and the general public. Up put them at 10 for 10, and showed that they could draw an audience even with a marketer’s nightmare (how would YOU sell a movie about a crotchety old man who learns about letting go of the past to kids?). From making everyone in the theater cry within the first 10 minutes, to making them laugh hysterically at talking dogs, Up was a perfect showcase of just how great Pixar is at story telling. It was also one of the first movies to utilized 3D in a non-gimmicky way; a la objects flying out from the screen (Coraline also deserves mention for this). Keep em coming, Pixar.
1. New Moon
As much as it pains me to say it, no other movie made as much of an impact on the pop culture landscape as New Moon. The army of it’s teen girl fan base waited anxiously (and loudly) all year for it’s release, and the rest of us complained about it. Arguments about how the series was nothing more than the author’s poorly written wish fulfillment, or that it centered around and promoted a borderline abusive relationship and sexism fell on deaf ears, drowned out by such arguments as “But Jacob is SO HOT!”
Above: Logic
For the whole year, any new trailer or photo stills from the move that got released was treated as breaking news, and Twitter feeds were a flutter with “OMG!”s. It may not have grossed as much as the summer blockbusters (it ranks as the number six grossing film of the year, with over $255 million), but chances are you saw more of it than anything else this year. Whether it be on Team Edward/Jacob t-shirts, Burger King cups, or Volvo car commercials, everyone was made painfully aware of it’s existence. Because screaming tween/teen girs always know what’s best.
Christmas Is Dead
Ah, Christmas. THAT time of the year. When we all talk about it being that time of year, with out worrying too much about what that actually means. Is it that time of year where we go into debt trying to buy each other’s love and appreciation? When we celebrate the birthday of a 2000 year old barn baby? Dragons? It all becomes very complicated in this hectic season.
Merry Christmas!
The problem is, Christmas has always been a slightly paradoxical holiday. We go to stores to buy mass produced consumer goods to show people how special and unique they are to us. This is the entire reason Santa Clause got so popular (it’s true!). Parents used him as a way to trick kids into thinking the crap tinker toys they bought at the local store were hand-made and one of a kind. It was a mere coincidence that little Billy down the street got the exact same toy train.
To tackle it from the religious angle (which really, why would you?) Christmas is supposed to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, the magician with the killer beard who can produce SO MANY fish and loaves out of thin air. Unfortunately, there is no reason for anyone to think that He was born on December 25th. There is absolutley no mention of it in the Bible. The Puritans actually made celebrating Christmas illegal for this reason. They saw it as a slight against their savior. Especially when you consider the only reason December 25th was chosen was because it coincided with the winter solstice and was convenient for converting pagans. That’s kind of like having your parents celebrate your birthday on the Fourth of July even though it’s really in November just because they are already throwing a party.
The fireworks don't change that fact that your parents don't love you
So ok, neither way of celebrating makes a whole lot of sense. But we have plenty of other traditions that are just as mind boggling. Like eating turkey to celebrate giving small pox to the natives. Or getting completely shitfaced in honor of a man who converted Ireland to Christianity. Let’s face it, we suck at celebrating historic events and traditions. We are much less concerned with what it is we are actually celebrating and much more gung ho about how awesome it will be for us. Which is why centuries and centuries later, Christmas really has no connection left to what supposedly originated it.
Fine. No big deal right? At least we’re doing SOMETHING. Maybe we don’t know exactly what it is we’re celebrating, but the fact that we’re celebrarting at least keeps it in the public conciouss. That’s better than nothing. It’s just like how Robert De Niro still shows up in movies, even though he stopped actually acting decades ago.
He doesn't care what his motivation is
The problem is, it’s a very superficial way of remembering. And frankly, it’s harmful. Remember last year when someone was freaking stampeded to death on Black Friday? When does that fucking happen? Did those Blu-ray players come with blow-job giving capabilities? Is that why everyone needed to rush in there?
Go to the mall during the holiday season. Not to shop, just to watch. Watch how everyone blows past each other, hurrying to their next purchase. Watch how irritated they get when they wait in line for even a minute. Goddamnit, THEY HAVE SHIT TO DO! Like buy their kid whatever this year’s must have toy is, even though it will end up in the corner of their closet within a week or two.
This is why I enjoy the Christmas I spend with my friends more than the one I spend with my family. The family Christmas revolves around going to relative’s houses and exchanging gifts, then coming home and opening the gifts under the tree. Who knows how much money was actually thrown around getting everyone everything that was on their list. By the time all the presents have been opened, the day is pretty much over.
The Christmas with friends, however, is much more simple. We’ll get everyone A (singular) gift, with it sometimes being something homemade. It’s more about showing how much you know the other person that about spending money. And the gift part takes all of 5 minutes, with the rest of the evening devoted to actually spending time with one another.
Spend time with one another?! Unheard of!
So to say Christmas is dead may be a little off the mark, since it’s always been pretty superficial. And yes, there will be people who find more simple and modest ways to celebrate that are closer to the ideal image everyone has of the season. So it may be more accurate to say that Christmas has been battling lekuimia it’s entire life, and has always been on it’s death bed. Festive.
